The Azumanga Guide To The Galaxy
by Dr. Strangeperson
Summary: When the Earth is destroyed, 8 girls get taken by intergaltic hitchhikers to look for the lengendary Mac n' Cheese crystal. Can they survive the crazyness, or end up throwing in the towel?
1. Prologue

**AUTHORS NOTE: I do not own any of the names from anime **_**Azumanga Daioh **_**and the novel **_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**_**, nor do I also own the rights to either the anime or book. I'll be awaiting your e-mails. **

THE AZUMANGA GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

PROLOGUE

THE LEGEND OF THE MAC N' CHEESE CRYSTAL 

On a distant planet, somewhere in the Ford Focus Galaxy, lived a race of beings known as the Kevorkians. The Kevorkians, whose planet was named Manson, had an unusual habit of starting civil wars with each other. In about one hundred years, the Kevorkians had a total of 149 civil wars, beginning with issues ranging from disagreements on taxes to "stolen" parking spaces. One of the worst wars happened because one stores sugar prices were lower than an other store. By the time the store with the low prices agreed to raise its prices, over three billion people were killed.

By the time the Sugar Price War ended, their leader was trying to find a way to preserve the Kevorkian history, before everyone was killed. A few decades passed and no one in the leader's assembly thought of anything useful. To make a long story short, someone suggested that they should encrypt their history on a crystal, and hide it. This was done, and, because it was getting close to lunch, they named it the Mac N' Cheese Crystal. When the Crystal was hidden, everyone then had a celebration, where they ate hamburgers.

There was this joke that the entire Kevorkian race would be taken out by a misspelled resume or a losing lottery ticket, but no one suspected everyone would die of tainted hamburgers. Within a year, 75% of the population was killed by a flu-like form of Ebola, the rest died in an assault against the meat company.

Despite that, word got out about the Mac N' Cheese Crystal. Unfortunately, because no one knew where the planet Manson was, this story became a legend.

Even if someone happened to find the planet, the Kevorkians developed a very complex lock system. In order to unlock the vault the Crystal is housed in, you must include the hand prints of two aliens from the area of Betelgeuse, one of which has a minimum of three hands, one male human from an island, ten female humans, one in which had an relationship with the human male, and the rest from a different island, one with a low IQ, one who is 11 years old, one who swims, one who likes cute things, one who's a fan of the one who likes cute things, one who needs where vision improvers, one who teaches health, one who can't shut up, and one who can't tell the difference between a stop sign and a hole in the ground. The Kevorkians thought, because of their political views, humans won't travel past their own moon.

Despite these precautions, there was once a point in time where most of the requirements were available on Earth at the same time. Unfortunately, that was on a Thursday. But, thanks to the magic of time travel, it is now, once again possible.


	2. Thursday, Sometime After Lunch

**AUTHORS NOTE: I do not own any of the names from anime **_**Azumanga Daioh **_**and the novel **_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**_**, nor do I also own the rights to either the anime or book. You got that? Good.**

CHAPTER I

THURSDAY, SOMETIME AFTER LUNCH

Chiyo Minhama, a local Japanese eleven-year-old girl, laid down on the ground in the park after a big lunch, while her friends, Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga, Koyomi Mizuhara, Tomo Takino, with Kagura, Kaori, and Sakaki (their last names are unknown), were getting ice cream from a vendor.

When they returned, and Sakaki handed her a double peppermint cherry ice cream cone, Chiyo asked, "Did any of you wondered weather there's someone out there?"

"What?" Kagura asked.

"Did you ever thought that there is other life on other planets, and that race is looking at us?" Explained Chiyo.

"I never thought of that," said Tomo. "Is there a good chance that there's a race smarter than me?"

"That race can be found at most pet shops for five bucks," joked Koyomi.

"Maybe a race of kittens," said Sakaki quietly.

"_Or maybe a race of Sakaki's,_" Thought Kaori.

"Probably," continued Chiyo, "but also, would it be ironic, that, in our massive universe, with millions of galaxies and billions and trillions of stars, our planet is the only one with life on it?"

"Yeah, it would be," said Kagura.

"You know what else is ironic?" asked Osaka, "How we eat food: it comes in one form, and comes out another."

The other girls just looked at her, until Kagura said, "Uh . . . okay."

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High above the Earth, the Starship _Heart of Gold's _computer was scanning the surface for the required people mentioned in the prologue. For three days and nights, the computer scanned the whole planet, finding people who were close, but were on a large landmass in one way or the other.

The man who authorized this was the three-armed, two-headed, former President of the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox. "Anything new, Eddie (the computer's name)?"

"No, nothing," replied Eddie. "Do you mind if I sing a song?"

"No! Keep searching!" demanded Zaphod. "We only have fifth teen minutes until the Vogons show up." Unbeknownst to the humans, the Vogons will destroy the Earth to make way for the off ramp for the Intergalactic Highway. Plans were on display at Alpha Centuri.

Zaphod walked into the next room where his semi-half cousin, Ford Prefect, and Trillian (actual name's Tricia McMillan) was welding plates into the floor where the kitchen was. "How's everything going?"

"Almost there," answered Trillian,

"Where's Arthur?" Zaphod asked. Arthur Dent was an hapless Englishman, who, besides Trillian, survived the Vogon destruction of Earth.

"He's in the John," answered Ford. He then stood up. "Zaphod . . . "

"Don't try to talk me out of stopping again," said Zaphod, "I've already made up my mind."

"Which one?" joked Ford. "But seriously, I've been thinking you're taking this too far."

"Why you say that?"

"Well, I should had stopped you after you forced Arthur and me to sell sperm to buy the time machine and deffently after you pawned Marvin to get money to buy this teleporter."

"That's why?"

"No. But what will those people are like after you teleport them. They might be criminals."

"I don't care." Zaphod prepares to leave. "I think I'll talk to the computer."

After Zaphod left, Ford continued welding. Under his breath, he said "I don't know how he even talked us into doing this."

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Back on Earth, the girls continued to discuss life on other planets. After a while, they were joined by their teachers, Yukari Tanazaki, and English teacher, and Minamo Kurosawa, an Physical Education teacher. They were walking by when they saw the girls. "Hey! How ya'll doing?" asked Yukari.

"Miss Yukari!" shouted Chiyo, "What are you and Miss Minamo doing here?"

"Well, me and Nyamo were discussing where she'll be taking me for dinner," answered Yukari. Nyamo was Yukari's nickname for Miss Kurosawa.

"I thought we'd agreed that you would pay for part of the meal," said Minamo.

"Whatever," replied Yukari. "So, anyway, what are you all doing here?"

"Well, we're eating ice cream and discussing life on other planets," answered Sakaki.

"Life? On other planets?" said Yukari. "Don't make me laugh."

"Why?" asked Tomo.

"Well, there's no possible way that life on other planets can exists," explained Yukari. "The universe is too damn big, that it will take billions of years to visit us."

"I didn't say . . . " Sakaki was about to say.

"Also," continued Yukari, "I think that this 'life' wouldn't be smart enough to built a spaceship, or travel faster than the speed of light."

"Actually, I saw a documentary that they might be able to open wormholes," said Minamo.

"Wormholes?" asked Yukari.

"Holes in space and time," explained Minamo.

"Yeah, I heard that too," said Koyomi.

"You sure that it wasn't about another kind of hole, Yomi?" asked Osaka.

"Anyway, I don't believe in life on other planets," continued Yukari, "Unless I see a picture from NASA or something, or a body, or a crashed ship, or . . . what the heck is that?"

Yukari was looking up, so the girls, along with everyone in the park, looked up. There was a large thing in the sky . . . that was yellow.

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Back on the _Heart of Gold_, Zaphod was freaking out. "They're early, or we're late. Eddie, anything?"

"Give me a few minutes," answered Eddie. "Faster if I could . . . "

"No! Trillian?" he shouted into the other room.

"Everything's in place and ready to go," she said.

"Great," said Zaphod. "Except the Earth will be destroyed in thirty friggin' seconds! And we can't find a single . . . "

"Mr. Beeblebrox," interrupted Eddie. "We got them. They're in Ja . . . "

"I don't care where, just beam them up!"

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Back on Earth, the girls, along with other people, were watching in awe. Then the thing made an announcement that their planet was on a list for destruction for the Intergalactic Highway. Awe then turned to fear.

"Sakaki?" asked Kaori in a trembling voice.

"Yes, Kaori?" answered Sakaki.

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

Before Kaori could say, a strange sound filled the air, and the girls felt a little dizzy. Then they were gone.

A few seconds later, so was Earth.


	3. A Few Seconds After Desruction

**AUTHORS NOTE: I do not own any of the characters from the anime **_**Azumanga Daioh **_**nor from the book **_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**_**, nor do I own any part of the anime or book. cares. **

CHAPTER II

A FEW SECONDS AFTER DESTRUCTION

Kagura was the first to regain consciousness. At first, everything was blurry, but she could make out a figure. The figure was a man, either in his twenties or thirties. He was also in a bathrobe. Behind him was a bunch of silvery mechanical stuff. "Are you okay?" he asked in either an Australian or British accent.

"I'm fine," Kagura answered. "But a little confused."

"It's alright," he said as he helped Kagura up. "I'll try to explain it later."

After she was helped up, Kagura said, "I'm sorry, but we've not been properly introduced. I'm Kagura."

"Arthur," replied the man. "Arthur Dent."

Then, both heard a small sigh. Kagura suddenly realized that Chiyo was with her, and went to help her up. "Are you alright, Chiyo-chan?"

"I'm alright," Chiyo replied. "Who's he?"

"Well, his name is Arthur Dent," Kagura said, pointing to Arthur.

"No, not him," said Chiyo. "I know who that person is. I meant him." She pointed to another man who looked human.

"Oh. His name is Ford Prefect," answered Arthur.

"Ford Prefect?" asked Kagura. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. It's true," said Ford.

Suddenly, Tomo began screaming and pointing to a doorway, and everyone noticed that Tomo was also with them. "Holy freakin' crap! A two-headed, three-armed monster!"

The "monster" was standing in a doorway with an annoyed look on his faces. "Hey, this monster has a name, thank you very much," he replied.

Then a woman, about the same age as Arthur, came from behind the doorway behind the two-headed man. "Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yeah," said the two-headed man.

The woman then noticed Sakaki, who was now conscious, and went over to her. "How are you doing?" she asked Sakaki.

"Fine," Sakaki said quietly. "Where am I?"

"Well, it may take a while to explain," the woman began, "but what matters is that you are on a spaceship."

"A spaceship?" Asked Osaka, who was nearby. "Does that mean that Miss Yukari was wrong?"

"I don't know," replied the woman. "By the way, my name's Trillian."

"Uh, my name is Sakaki," Sakaki answered, then pointed to Osaka, "and her name is Osaka."

After a while, everyone who was beamed up had returned to consciousness. For a little bit, no one thought everything was out of the ordinary, until Arthur asked, "Who is this guy?"

The man was wearing a suit and thick-lenses glasses. He also resembled a character from a zombie movie. Yukari was the one who came to see who it was. She suddenly said, "Kimura?" after a second.

"Who?" asked Arthur.

"He's a teacher," explained Yukari.

"And a bit of a pervert," added Kaori.

In order to see if he was alright, Arthur kicked him in the ribs, in which Kimura grunted. "He's also out cold," Arthur said.

"He must have been running when we beamed the girls up," suggested Trillian.

Then Ford made a coughing sound. "Alright," he said. "Everyone will be wondering, so, I'll tell you so that non of you will panic: the Earth has been destroyed."

"What!" exclaimed Tomo. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," Ford answered. He then added, "_Maybe I should had thought of breaking the news better._"

"Even . . . Maya?" asked Sakaki. Maya was the name of the Iromote Mountain Cat that she keeps as a pet.

"And Mr. Tadakichi?" added Chiyo. Mr. Tadakichi was the name of her dog. Both Chiyo's and Sakaki's eyes began to fill up with tears.

"Sadly, yes," Ford answered. "I'm sorry for your losses, but . . . "

Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the ship. Ford ran to where the controls were. "Uh-oh," he said. He then looked over his shoulder and called, "Uh, Zaphod?"

The two-headed man ran to the controls and looked where the Ford was looking. "Oh, great," he said.

"What is it?" Osaka asked.

Zaphod only said one word, but it was worth a thousand nightmares: "Vogons."


	4. On Board a Vogon Ship

**THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT IS TRUE: I do not own any of the characters from the anime **_**Azumanga Daioh **_**nor from the book **_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**_**, nor do I own any part of the anime or book. I also want to add that the joke about the famous horror author (if he ever finds out I'm talking about him) is just a joke. Nothing personal. So, please, don't sue me, Mr. Author.**

CHAPTER III

ON BOARD A VOGON SHIP

The Vogon mission leader, Protetnic Vogon Jeltz, saw the _Heart of Gold_, and ordered his men to watch it and see what happens . Then a impatient gunman fired a rocket at the ship, but caused minimal damage. That gunman was immediately put to death. Protetnic Vogon Jeltz expected the ship to fire back, but was surprised when the ship began to leave. "Follow that ship!" Protetnic Vogon Jeltz demanded.

"Should I fire on it?" asked a crewmember.

Protetnic Vogon Jeltz thought about it for a few seconds, then answered, "No. I got a better idea."

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Back on board the _Heart of Gold_, everyone, but Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, were running around the ship. "We're going to die!" shouted someone. "I surrender! I surrender!" shouted another.

Then Ford screamed, "Everyone, shut up!" Then, everyone did. "Everyone stay calm," he continued. "We'll be out of here in . . ."

Suddenly, the intercom broke in with Protetnic Vogon Jeltz's voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt a tender moment," Protetnic Vogon Jeltz said, "but I want to share a poem with you."

Ford, knowing that Vogon poetry is the third worst poetry in the universe, tried to the frequency.

But before Ford could change it, this came out:

Oh, Band-Aid,

Covering my cuts,

But sticks to my skin

When I take it off.

For some reason, everyone on board, including the girls, grab their ears and began to roll around on the floor. "Change the frequency!" shouted Ford. "What the hell is that?" shouted Yukari. "My ears! My ears!" shouted Koyomi.

The only one who wasn't rolling around, besides Kimura, was Osaka.

Protetnic Vogon Jeltz's voice then came back. "Any last words before I continue my poem, then destroy you?"

Chiyo looked up at Osaka, who was still standing. "Osaka . . ." she said weakly, ". . . do something."

Osaka then ran to the control panel and in the intercom reply button, "Wait!" she said. "I want to tell you a story."

"A story?" cried Protetnic Vogon Jeltz in almost a laugh. "Alright, it's your last though."

Osaka thought hard. After a while, she replied, "Alright." She then cleared her throat, then said, in a creepy voice, "One day, I found a CD, I don't remember buying."

Some people think that an author from the northeastern part of the United States is the best horror writer, but the truth is that he's the third best in the universe. The second best was a man from Alpha Centuri, who wrote a single sentence that made 3,000 people throw up at once. But no one, not even Osaka, would have expected that Osaka was the best. Her story alone would have made even the bravest Andromeda Warrior wet his pants.

The only sounds that were coming out of the intercom were shouts of horror. "Oh God!" said one. "The horror!" shouted another.

Ford then immediately got onto his feet. "Good work, Osaka," he said. He went next to Osaka and began to fumble with the controls. "Alright, we need to let the improbability drive fully charge. I shouldn't take more than a few sec . . . "

Then Yukari came over and began to press random buttons. "Yeah, whatever," she said.

"No, wait!" Ford exclaimed, but it was too late. They were already in warp.

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Back onboard the Vogon ship, the crew was calming down. Protetnic Vogon Jeltz was checking to see if he wet his pants, when a crewmember asked, "Sir, the ship is gone. Shall we try to follow it?"

"No, not right now," Protetnic Vogon Jeltz ordered. Under his breath he added, "Thanks to that human, I'll have nightmares for years."

"What shall we do captain?" asked the crewmember.

"Well, we're going to head to Alpha Centuri to see if they are there, while Ship Number Seven stays here to see if they will come . . . why is there a slice of pizza where Ship Number Seven was?" Protetnic Vogon Jeltz asked while looking out the viewing window.


	5. One Hundred and Seven Light Years Away

**ATTENTION: I do not own any of the characters from the anime **_**Azumanga Daioh **_**nor from the book **_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**_**, nor do I own any part of anime or book. Also, would the owner of a blue Mustang, Idaho license plate #1A HI246, please move your car, its causing an obstruction. **

CHAPTER IV

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN LIGHT-YEARS AWAY

Nothing much was going on in that part of the galaxy. That was because no one was there. Just when that part of the galaxy was just about to conclude that there's no one here, the _Heart of Gold _came out of warp, ruining sixty-six trillion years of research.

On board the _Heart of Gold_, Yukari was realizing why the improbability drive is called an improbability drive, and why Ford wanted to let it fully charge. Early forms of the drive were highly unstable, and prone to alter things around it. The one onboard the _Heart of Gold_ was an new and improved drive (I once again mention that time travel made this drive possible) that can avoid such disasters . . . as long as it's fully charged.

Because Yukari never let the drive fully charge, she, and everyone else, had transformed due to improbability. "What the . . . " she said as she looked at herself. After a brief glance at her slightly baggy clothes and noticing a slight pitch in her voice, she exclaimed, "I'm a teenager again!" She saw that Ford, Arthur, Trillian, Zaphod, Minamo, and Kimura (still unconscious) were also teenagers.

"That's why you let the drive charge!" exclaimed Ford.

"Alright, I'll remember that next time," Yukari said. She then looked around the cabin, and saw that Koyomi, Sakaki, Tomo, Osaka, Kagura and Kaori, was also wearing baggy clothes, and were younger than they were.

"Holly crap!" shouted Tomo in a high voice. "I'm six again!"

"Thanks Miss Yukari," Koyomi said sarcastically.

"Hey, is Chiyo-chan alright?" asked Sakaki, with a bit of urgency in her voice.

"Goo goo ga ga," replied Chiyo, who was a baby.

"What are we going to do?" asked Kaori.

"I don't want to be six forev . . . " began Kagura.

Suddenly, the computer's voice broke in. "Probability restored . . . fifth-teen percent . . . twenty-two percent . . . forty-one percent . . . fifty percent . . . " as the numbers went up, everyone came closer to their original age. " . . . sixty-five percent . . . seventy-two percent . . . eighty-six percent . . . ninety-one percent . . . ninety-nine-and-a-half percent . . . probability fully restored."

As everyone dusted themselves off, and readjusted their clothes, Kagura said, "Hey, Chiyo-chan, why didn't you tell us you were cute as a baby?"

"Uh, I don't think you ever asked me," replied Chiyo.

On the other side of the cabin, Tomo was walking over to Zaphod, who was looking at the controls. "Hey, I want to apologize."

"For that monster thing?" asked Zaphod.

"Yeah. I said that because I didn't know where I was, Earth was destroyed, I was beamed up, blah, blah, blah, you understand?" explained Tomo.

"Yeah, I do . . . mostly."

"Well, let's get introduced properly." Tomo readjusted her stance and held out her hand. "My name is Tomo Takino. I'm a human from Earth."

Zaphod waited a few seconds, and then grabbed Tomo's hand with one of his hands. "Zaphod Beeblebrox. Former President of the Galaxy."

"You were President of the Galaxy?"

"Yeah, I was."

Quietly, and away from Zaphod, she said, "I didn't vote for him."

In another part of the cabin, Ford was looking for a type of platform to stand on. When he found a chair, he dragged it to an area he marked out and stood on it. "Excuse me, cam I have everyone's attention?" he asked as he kept his balance. As every one turns to look at him, he pulled out his copy of _The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_. "Many of you are probably wondering why you are here," he announced. "Well, on behalf of Zaphod Beeblebrox, this will tell you why you are here," he said as he holds up the device.

Ford searched the device until the device said:

MAC N' CHEESE CRYSTAL- See LEGENDARY ITEMS or MYTHICAL OBJECTS.

"Oh, sorry. Hang on." Ford searched the device until the device said:

LEGENDARY ITEMS-Item(s) that is/are used by Gods, mythical warriors, or other political leaders. See THOR'S HAMMER, DA VINCI'S PAINTBRUSH, QUEEN ELIZABETH'S SOUP SPOON.

"Give me a minute." Ford once again searched the device again. Finally, it said:

MYTHICAL OBJECTS-Object(s) that are deemed questionable due to location or actual existence. See HOLY GRAIL, BARACK OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE. One example of an Mythical Object is the Kevorkian Mac N' Cheese Crystal, that is supposedly housed in a vault on the planet Manson. The vault supposedly has a complex system of locks that can only be opened by . . .

The device went on describing the lock requirements (see the prologue if you forgot.)

When the device completed its lecture, Yukari was the first to asked, "So, the reason we're here is so we can open a vault to an crystal that may not exist?"

"That's right," answered Ford. "It was Zaphod's idea, by the way."

"Well, why do you want with a old, dusty crystal anyway?" Kagura asked Zaphod.

"Do you know what that crystal might be worth?" Zaphod waited for an answer. "Billions! Maybe trillions!"

"Basically, what he's saying," explained Trillian, "if you help us get the crystal, we'll give each of you an percentage."

There was a silence, and then Yukari said, "Alright, count me in."

"Yukari," said Minamo quietly, "What are you doing? Why should we trust these people?"

"Well, they did save our lives, and we can't really say no, can we? Where can we going to go. This way, we may be able to start our own planet."

Minamo wanted to disagree, but said, "Yeah, sign me up" instead.

Soon, most of the girls were agreeing to Zaphod's deal. Only Chiyo and Sakaki were still considering.

Arthur, who felt sorry that both Chiyo and Sakaki lost their pets, was trying to think of a way to help them. After a while, he came up with an idea and told Zaphod about it.

"Are you serious?" Zaphod asked after Arthur told him the idea.

"Well, what will you do if they say no?" Arthur asked.

"Uh . . . well . . . " Zaphod replied.

"All I'm saying is that we offer Chiyo and Sakaki something else in return, besides money."

"Kind of like a insurance policy?"

"Yeah. I think." Then Arthur and Zaphod walked over to Chiyo and Sakaki. "How are you two doing?" Arthur asked.

"We're alright," answered Sakaki, with some slight sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry about your pets," Arthur began, "but me and Zaphod want to make you an offer . . . "

Then Zaphod interrupted, "We can get you new pets, like a Babel fish or an Sagittarius acid spiting snake . . . "

"Actually," interrupt Arthur, "I was thinking that we could go back in time and go get you pets."

Chiyo's eyes (and pigtails) perked up. "Really?" she asked. "You can do that?"

"Yes. We got you, didn't we?" answered Arthur.

"But only if you help us get the crystal," Zaphod added.

Chiyo and Sakaki thought about it for a minute. "Alright. We'll do it," answered Sakaki.

"Great," said Zaphod, then he headed to the controls.

"Alright, let's head to Manson!" exclaimed Tomo.

"Not yet," said Zaphod, "We need to get an android we sold to a pawn shop."

"Why?" asked Koyomi.

"Because he know how to get to Manson," explained Zaphod.

"What idiot would pawn off something important?" asked Kagura.

"Why don't you asked the 'genius'," Trillian said, pointing to Zaphod.

"Shut up!" exclaimed Zaphod, and then the _Heart of Gold_ sped off in warp towards the Gemini constellation.

Afterwards, the area of space began to redo its research.


	6. A Few Words on Pawn Shops

**Book or anime of part any own I do nor, **_**Galaxy the to Guide Hitchhikers The **_**book the nor **_**Daioh Azumanga **_**anime the from characters the of any own not do I :NOTE AUTHOR'S**

CHAPTER V

A FEW WORDS ON PAWN SHOPS

Not many modern-day intergalactic encyclopedias mention pawnshops. This was because someone thought that it wasn't important. As a result, twenty generations had no idea where to buy and sell supplies.

Only two encyclopedias mentioned pawnshops. _Encyclopedia Galatica's _definition of pawnshops is "A place where people can sell, buy, or lend items for strangers." _The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy _not only tells us what a pawn shop is, but also a guide to buying, selling and lending items, and shops to deal with, and others to avoid.

Zam Zadler's Pawn and Loan is on the list of shops to avoid. Zadler's shop has been complained about short charging, selling items that were loaned, and other complaints sent to the Better Galactic Business Bureau. However, Zaphod Beeblebrox, because he didn't read the guide or check with the BGBB, he did his business with Zadler, and which our story will continue.


	7. Still Onboard the Heart of Gold

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I Do Not own any of the characters from the anime _Azumanga __Daioh,_nor from the book _The__ Hitchhikers __Guide __to __the __Galaxy_, nor do I own any part from anime or book. If you want to buy a copy of this story, please contact your local Congressman, and good luck explaining it to him/her.**

CHAPTER VI

STILL ONBOARD THE _HEART __OF __GOLD_

But before we meet Zam Zadler, let me tell you a dream Kaori had that was similar to a dream she had sometime ago.

In the dream, she was surrounded in a forest by large fictional monsters: dragons, trolls, giant spiders, and werewolves and vampires that were very hot, but scary. Kaori tried to get away, but she was surrounded. They all wanted to do nasty and vulgar things to her. She screamed at the top of her lungs for help.

Suddenly, a white horse came charging forward. On the horse was Sakaki. As Sakaki and her horse rode forward, the horse trampled the trolls. Then, as Sakaki grabbed Kaori, she kicked one of the vampires in the mouth. Kaori, Sakaki, and the horse then rode away, trampling the spiders, and outrunning the dragons.

As they rode away, Kaori was happy that Sakaki came to save her, that Sakaki cares about her, that Sakaki...

Then Kaori realized that there was a _third_ passenger on the horse. Behind Sakaki, was Trillian, and they were both laughing at her.

"Sorry, Kaori," dream Sakaki said, "I've found someone else."

Then Sakaki threw Kaori off the horse, and Kaori fell into the mouth of a carnivorous plant. The second she hit the plant's lips, she woke up.

At first, she thought she was back in her own house on Earth, but she realized that she was in a cabin on board a spaceship.

She then got up from bed. _"__That__ Trillian__ person __wants __to __get __between __me __and __Miss __Sakaki?__" _She thought, pacing the cabin. _"__Why __should __she __do __something __like __that? __We've __met __for __the __first __time __hours __ago.__" _She thought about it for a while longer. _"__I'll__ try __to __not __worry __about __it __now, __but, __if __she __thinks __she'll __do __that __for __her __own __purposes, __she __is __messing __with __the __wrong __person. __She __may __be__ worst __than __Kagura!__" _

Then she realized she was thirsty, and went into the main cabin.

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Because of the limited space on board, some of the girls had to bunk with each other. Osaka and Chiyo bunked with Sakaki, and Tomo bunked with Koyomi. Kaori and Kagura were lucky to get their own rooms, while Minamo and Yukari slept in the main cabin, on couches that blended into the silver walls. Kimura, who was still unconscious, was simply shoved into a corner in the main cabin.

The only ones who were also up were Zaphod, Ford, Koyomi, and Tomo.

"What are you doing up?" Kaori asked Koyomi as she entered the cabin.

"I've gotten hungry, and Tomo wanted to chat with me," Koyomi explained. "Those two are just to prevent the ship from coliding with an asteroid or something"

Because of the teleporting equipment, the egg white omelet Koyomi made was difficult to produce.

"Yomi," Kaori asked, "What are you going to do after this adventure?"

"Me?" Koyomi replied. "I don't know. Maybe I could try finding a decent planet and maybe live there. But something tells me that I'm going to go where you and the others will go."

"That's probably what I'll do too," Kaori said.

"Tomo, however," continued Koyomi, "she may buy a copy of that _Hitchhikers __Guide __to __the __Galaxy _thing and hitchhike though the universe"

Koyomi expected a reply from Tomo, but she only gave a slight snort. Then both realized that she had fallen asleep.

At first, Koyomi wanted to wake Tomo up and send her back to their cabin, but then an evil thought came into her mind.

First, Koyomi asked Ford if she could borrow his copy of the _Guide_. Then she looked for some headphones in a drawer. After she found a pair, (why were they in _that _drawer, she'll never know) she carefully slipped the headphones on Tomo's ears. She then plugged the headphones into the G_uide_and searched for loud music. After a while, she found a suitable band: Disaster Area. She then turned up the volume, then she played an sample track.

Almost immediately after the track began, Tomo snapped up. She didn't screamed, instead, she looked like she was slapped with a dead crab as she listened to the music. After a minute, Koyomi stop the track, fearing that Tomo might loose her hearing. Almost as fast as when the track began, Tomo ripped off the headphones, grabbed her ears, and screamed, "Ahh! My ears!"

"Sorry Tomo," said Koyomi, with a slight chuckle in her voice. "I couldn't help it."

Tomo didn't replied until the ringing in her ears subsided. Then she asked, "What band is that? They sound awesome!"

Koyomi didn't replied, she just gave a sigh, and quietly said, "I don't know how long can I take this."

"Maybe not very long," said Zaphod, "We shall arrive there sometime after breakfast."


End file.
